Something is going on in the universe that almost half my good friends in their 50’s and 60’s have quit their jobs. People in the same age bracket have gone so far as to quit their lives (recently, Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and folks who aren’t rich or famous). Why?
I realize an “out” when things are not going well is to just quit. I know that feeling. I have it all of the time. It happens everywhere. On the golf course, the softball field, tennis court, in the office, in a meeting, in bed in the middle of the night. I’ll have a “bad shot” and my first reaction is “I don’t have to do this. I can just quit. I will just walk off this course, field, court, office or life.”
Not sure where I learned that thought. It has been around for quite a while and it is very strong. Maybe because it’s true. Of course quitting is always an option. It’s easy. Suicide being the ultimate quit. So, it must be the next thought that really matters.
Let’s continue with a story:
The annual Club Championship with the El Segundo Ladies Golf Club used to be the only golf tournament I really wanted to win. I would practice hard for this tournament. I couldn’t sleep the night before. I had a nervous stomach ache the morning of. I loved it! Still do.
About six or so years ago, I had trouble off of the first tee of the Championship. With only 18 short holes in the two-day tournament, there is little time to recover. Every shot has to be a good one. I used the excuse of having to jump on a plane right after the round as my reason for messing up. I was so over it, I told my playing partners that I was going to pick up (quit) and head over to the airport. Forget it. I’m out of contention after just one hole. That was my first reaction to dealing with the pain of not living up to my own expectations.
Before I could leave, one of the ladies who was wearing a Life is Good t-shirt, Judy, took me aside and gave me the lesson of a lifetime. She asked me if I wanted to be known as a quitter. I did not. She told me that behavior was not like me and that I needed to continue to play. I was taken aback that she cared about my reputation. The thought of quitting was only in my head, so I thought.
I played the next hole. And the next and the next. I played the entire tournament. Not another thought of quitting. At the airport I stumbled across a Life is Good gift shop and I started to cry. Judy reminded me life is good and it is not like me to quit. I bought her a pair of socks. I did not win the Club Championship that year.
Now some thoughts about the thought of quitting:
To this day, quitting comes to my mind as an option when things get rough. It is a very rapid response that I must address immediately or I will spiral out of control. I am learning to recognize it, embrace it and release it. The entire process has to be done straight away so as not to miss another shot.
I have noticed the rapid quit response arrives somewhat into an event. Whether it is a sporting event or at work. I don’t recall ever thinking of quitting before I started. This is probably because I know if things go awry I could always quit. So why not just try? And it only comes when I really really care how I perform, when I have set high expectations for myself. It doesn’t always mean winning.
There is usually no warning. I’m in the sand trap. I have already spent three bad shots trying to get out, lying 4 on a par 3. I had the win in my grasp. Just two holes left and a four shot lead. The thought comes. I recognize it. I just lost the tournament in this sand trap. I want to quit and I want to quit right now! Leave my clubs and drive off a cliff.
As crazy as it sounds, I embrace the feeling. As soon as it arrives, I step back from my next shot. I have learned not to fight it. I basically give myself a quick speech. Something like the one Judy gave me several years ago: “Yeah. You can certainly quit. Do you want to be known as a quitter? Whether you win or lose, you have to get out of this trap. Now just hit the ball.”
It is a physical experience to release the feeling of wanting to quit. I convince myself to continue by changing my thoughts altogether. Since I believe quitting comes from fear (fear of… losing, not being good enough, looking like a hacker, you know what I’m talking about), I think about the only other option, love. Anything about love. “I love this game….” “I love my partners….” “I love my clubs and my ball…even the sand…” Deep breaths and shaking it out helps a great deal as well.
Los Verdes Golf Course. Hole #15, par 4/5. Pacific Ocean in the background.
Beautiful, isn’t it?